The Ball of Balinour

Traditional / Oscar Brand

Audio clip

This example of "The Ball of Balinour" is performed by  Andrew Scarhart.
Please refer to Cantaria's Copyright information

Background notes

Oscar Brand recorded this song in the 1940s or 50s. He rewrote it a bit and claims a copyright on "new words," but  its unclear how much is rewritten and how much is old... and how much has been added in between. It's one of those songs that is easy to add to. Brand's version was particularly crude... we've kept it toned down a bit. Really!

Four and twenty virgins came down from Inverness
And when the ball was over there were four and twenty less.

Chorus:
Balls to your partner, ass against the wall.
If you cannot get ------ on a Saturday night,
you cannot get ----- at all

The Queen was in the parlor, eating bread and honey.
The King was in the chambermaid and she was in the money.

Chorus...

There was doin' in the kitchen, and doin' it on the stones.
Ya couldna' hear the music for the wheezin' and the groans.

Chorus...

The village butcher, he was there, a cleaver in his hand.
And every time he turned around, he circumcised the band.

Chorus...

The deacon's wife, well, she was there  with her butt against the wall.
"Put your money on the table, boys, cause I'm going to do you all."

Chorus...

The letter carrier, he was there, the poor man had the pox.
He couldn't do the ladies, so he did the letter box.

Chorus...

The village cripple he was there, can you imagine that?
Amusing himself by abusing himself, and catching it in his hat.

Chorus...

The bride was in the bedroom talking to the groom.
"The front! The front! And not the back, is the entrance to the womb!"

Chorus...

When the ball was over everyone confessed,
"The dancin' was exquisite, but the doin' was the best!"

Chorus...